Conspiracy Theory

Language is a conspiracy between two people ~ Sadhguru

I discovered Sadhguru as I researched alternative states for my latest book, Qualm, a sci-fi thriller. What set out as a light read recounting the quantum entanglement of a teenager from rural Australia stuck on an alien planet fighting her imminent destruction to preserve the sanity of the time-space continuum,  has turned out a little more entangled.

What had started out as research for the last missing element of the book has derailed me, I am now stuck, the most excruciating writer’s block, as I struggle to grasp the lost threads of my story. Like my thoughts my book has not only been derailed in fact it has morphed into something completely unrecognizable.

Do I continue to write the superfluous imaginations of my creative mind or do I delve deep into where the universe beckons me? That dark and mysterious place where sense and senselessness dance the unholy dance of existence? After all, we exist in that sliver of space between madness and sanity, a fact very familiar to all creative types. For it is on the borders of insanity that we find our greatest artworks. Success means to plunge into the unknown with the tether that reels us in before we are lost.

For that, I am grateful that I am a mother, my three children ensure my return, but my escapades into the unknown erode more of me than I care to admit. Listening to enlightened masters like Sadhguru doesn’t help. They have this way of romanticising the unknown, making it sound less dubious than what it really is, the sandpaper that smoothens out the strong lines of your identity.

Like he correctly states, “people only make sounds it is you who attribute meaning to them”, after all, we only accept that which we know to be true. What we perceive in the world is directly proportional to our own intellect and understanding which is driven by memory. Time only exists because of memory, and worse it is measured only because we are miserable. Do you remember ‘Time’ as a child? If you were happy it didn’t register but if you were miserable like when you started school, you recognized the concept of time.

Life exists only by comparison, but striving to live in its entirety is what one should strive, so says Sadhguru. That wholeness of existence is only achieved by the journey inward. The catch? You die as a result. Your identity, your likes, dislikes, your beliefs, your ideas, all like water under a bridge, flows away never to return. Jesus said the same thing, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.”

The question is am I ready to lose myself? The security that comes from ignorance is indeed bliss, why crave the suffering? Life has a way of trying to wake us, broken marriages, broken promises, all point us to the inevitable but I resist, for now. I am the little chick plump and ready for the flight but the fear of the unknown makes me huddle back into the comfort of the nest. One day I will be flung but for now, I hide in the recesses of my falsehood and my illusions.
People say that gambling and substance abuse is the biggest addictions, what they don’t know is that false security is the greatest mind-numbing tedium since time eternal. It has kept mankind enslaved for eons and continues to breed discord in the name of religion, ideology, beliefs etc. And like all addictions, it isn’t easy to let go, somedays the choice is clear and others days, not so much.


Let me know what you think, after all we think therefore we are.. alive?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s