Finding God

Having invented the Gods we can turn in to them ~ Alan Harrington

Being brought up by a fiercely Catholic mom I invariably absorbed the ‘thou art dust and unto dust, thou shall return’ of course invariably via Hell, beliefe. I was subconsciously handed over a litany of sufferings that I would go through and made to believe that I deserved worse. I still remember being told, when I could finally make sense of language, that I was responsible for Christ dying on the cross. I still remember how my innocent soul cringed at the thought that I had caused God to suffer and die a most horrific death.

Today I can image Christ cringing at the very act, telling a two and half-year-old that they are responsible for his death.

I also remember looking at religious people who committed grave acts of sin. I particularly remember staring at my mom as she knelt on the floor with outstretched arms praying feverishly as I nursed my aches and pains from being beaten mercilessly. As her lips moved and her voice droned with the prayers and supplications, I could hear the echo of her voice calling me names, deriding me, chiding my very existence and reminding me how her life was worse on account of me.

It was a daily routine for me and as the sunset, I dreaded my home. My mother who was a rather nice, sensible and kind person during the day would suddenly get obsessed with my education and find reasons to corporeally punish me. Then it would be time to sleep and she would hug me and take me into her bed. The extremes of this troubled relationship is still something I struggle to make sense of.

I found recourse in religion. My sins were the reason, after all, Christ died because of it, that I suffered and I deserved worse. Having Indian heritage the concept of sins from my past lives (karma) also justified the madness I was born into. The one thing that did save my soul and kept my heart free of bitterness was indeed the teachings of Christ, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they do.” In Christ, I found solace, not in Christianity. In the words of Christ, “Know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” I found salvation, not in the teachings of the Church.

I no longer practice Christianity or any other religion for that matter but the words of Christ are emblazoned in my soul. I see the hypocrisy in every religion and worse the double standards of their stalwarts. Priests (of every religion) robbing the poor blindly, flattering the rich and bowing to the powerful. Their Gods are for hire as is their concept of right and wrong. It is written in the books that murder is evil but for a price, usually the protection of their clan/ideology/teachings, it is made mandatory. More innocents have died from religious wars than people dare to admit.

As I read history I always pondered, how weak is a God that he/she needs to be protected? What use is a God if he/she cannot save his/her disciples?

The words of Christ once again came to me, “The kingdom of God is within you.” Many religious people mouth these words but they never stop to ask, where does the king reside if not in his kingdom? I am not the kingdom but it is within me, if the kingdom is within me then is not God also within me? So why look for God outside in the madness of society when God resides within?

If God is within every living being then should we raise our hand against our brother or sister? How should we treat our neighbor then if not as we would like to be treated?

Having invented the Gods we can turn in to them ~ Alan Harrington

I like this quote, it is particularly invigorating. For those who haven’t needed to discover religion or had the affinity for it, this quote is a good signpost. The omnipotent God doesn’t exist and yet if we from our imaginations and our love for humanity have created one, a lover of the human race who always protects and blesses, then we have these very qualities within us. The majority of successful humans (saints and thought leaders) have testified that the greatest joy is the habit of service. It is in giving that we indeed receive.

So let us give, of our time, our love, our respect, our forgiveness, our joy, and our hopes. And if you find a shortfall in any of these then look within yourself, for you can only give from what you have. Do you love yourself enough to celebrate your idiosyncrasies? Have time for yourself to read, dance, walk on the beach? Do you respect yourself enough to be comfortable in your own skin or do you need to change yourself to fit in? Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made or do you constantly remind yourself of how stupid you are? Do you enjoy your own company or do you distract yourself with entertainment, substance abuse, food, etc.? Do you have a dream or a hope burning within you or have you surrendered to the goals of society; status, career, position, etc.?